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John Merrow, former PBS education reporter, thanks FOX News pundit Tucker Carlson for one of the silliest ideas ever.
I am coming out of retirement to help Tucker Carlson save American public education, our children, and, by extension, our way of life. But this is not about me; it’s about the brilliant campaign created by America’s premier ‘uber journalist,’ Tucker Carlson of Fox. (I put ‘journalist’ in quotes not to disparage Mr. Carlson but to indicate that he stands head and shoulders above his pedestrian counterparts.)
Mr. Carlson has recognized that the greatest threat to America’s future is NOT climate change, the rich-poor wealth gap, Russian cyber warfare, or China. No, the greatest danger to our way of life is Critical Race Theory, which simply cannot be allowed to be taught in our schools.
Mr. Carlson’s solution is nothing short of brilliant: Cameras in every public school classroom so that teachers who try to subvert our youth by filling their heads with dangerous ideas can be identified, publicly shamed, and fired.
There are nay-sayers, of course: Short-sighted critics who maintain that cameras are an invasion of privacy. And some studies indicate that academic achievement suffers when everyone is under surveillance, but Mr. Carlson is not swayed; he keeps his eye on the prize: protecting young minds from getting in the habit of asking questions or even expressing doubts.
I hope it is obvious that Merrow is writing with his tongue in his cheek.
Merrow guesses that there are some three million classrooms in the nation. The cost of wiring them and installing cameras and microphones would be about $12 billion, he estimates.
One minor downside: We will probably have to buy the cameras, microphones, and DVRs from Chinese, Tiawanese, or Swiss companies, because American companies missed the boat when it came to creating effective security systems.
But even if more than $13 billion leaves our shores without benefiting the American economy, Mr. Carlson’s plan will still create prosperity because it’s going to create several million jobs–the men and women who will spend their days watching our teachers, taking careful notes, and, inevitably, bearing witness against those teachers who are polluting the minds of our children.
I hope Mr. Carlson will support giving employment preference to devoted viewers of the Fox channel, because their antennae will be sensitive to what matters. They will be able to spot “Critical Race Theory” easily, because Mr. Carlson and his colleagues have educated them.
We will need to hire at least a million of these “Watchers” at a cost of roughly $40,000 per year, for a total of $4,000,000,000. This will be an annual expense
Let me be blunt about what’s at stake: If you are not willing to spend more than $17,000,000,000 to save our nation from subversion, I think you should leave the country now.
Because I believe I can help Mr. Carlson save America, I am coming out of retirement. I have created an on-line training program for “Watchers,” which provides basic training in recognizing the educational subversion known as Critical Race Theory…
I am calling the program, which costs only $100 per adult learner, the“Critical Race Aggressive Pedagogy Trap,” or “CRAP TRAP.” You can sign up here, or you can meet me on the corner of Morse and Fuller Streets and hand me the cash.
Please open the link and finish reading this wonderful satire.